Kind of Shocking..

I know this post is going to be really random and just seem .. I dont know what the word is that I am looking for but it just might seem out of place and very surprising coming from me expecially from what all my other posts are like. I have been thinking about this for ever now and I really want to have the Gospel back in my life. I have fallen so far away from the church it makes me really sad. I hate it. I know that it is completely my fault but it really makes me sad. I really want to start going back to church and maybe for once say yes when I am asked to have a church calling. One thing that I loved doing when I first joined Young Womens was going to the Temple and doing Baptisms for the Dead. It was such an amazing experience and such a good feeling knowing you have done that for someone. It is the only time in my life when I have been able to feel the spirit and be completely humbled by it. I want to start going to church and paying my tithing and just have it all back in my life and start becoming a better and happier person. I have set a goal for my self to renew my temple recommend, and to also get my patriarchal blessing. I know.. I know.. Its going to be really hard work and mean making a lot of changes in my life, but I really want to. I have wanted to get my patriarchal blessing for years. I am really excited to work for it and finally get it and have my Heavenly Father back in my Life =)