Sisters By Chance Friends By Choice

I must say... I have the best sisters in the world.  No one has better sisters then I do.. and they are not just my sisters but they are my best friends. They have always been my best friends. Even when we were little we never fought we never hated each other we were always so close and I think now we are even closer then ever. Even though Madi lives in California so we are not able to be together very often we still take care of each other and are always there whenever we need each other. No one can make me laugh harder then these those two when we get together we have so much fun. I love all of our inside jokes I love that we all have the same since of humor. I just want to take some time to tell them and the blogging world how amazing they are!


My sisters have always been there for me. When I think about everything I have been threw in my life all the good and bad they are always by my side. They never judge me for the bad choices I have made, they support me with everything, and they never leave my side when I need the most. I know that they will always be by my side my entire life I trust them more then anyone else in the world and they will always be there for me as my sister and as my friends.

MEAGEN:

Meagen is so amazing. Over the years her and I have formed a very special bond. We lived together for about 8 months and we had so much fun together. She is such a strong person. I look up to her in so many ways. She is so creative and I have always admired her for that. I wish I had the creativity she has. She has so many talents she is a great photographer and has the ability to make anything and everything beautiful. She has a way of making wherever she is living feel like home. I just loved the apartment that we lived in together she made it so beautiful. She has a strength inside of her that I think everyone wishes they had for themselves. Sometimes I dont think she realizes what a truly strong and inspiring person she is. While we were living together we both went threw very hard times in our lives. I just hope that I was as much help and support to her as she was for me. 

 Over the years Meagen has taken care of me in ways that has helped me so much and has helped me get threw things that I never thought I would be able to survive. I can not even express how appreciative I am of the things she has done for me. She has taken care of me so many times while I have been sick I could be here all night talking about all the times she has stepped up and took care of me. She has helped me recover after surgeries, she has held my hair while I threw up, she has spent numerous sleepless nights in the hospital with me but always makes it as fun as possible. She may not know this but she has a way of ALWAYS lifting my spirits as soon as she walks into my hospital room. She always makes sure that I have fun movies to watch and if I am allowed to eat she always makes sure that I have whatever sounds good. She has even made trips to 3 different places in one night just to give me everything that sounded good to me. She always makes sure that I have all my medicine, she has learned how to change IV bags, administer medicine threw a picc line. She always make sure that I know whatever I am going threw I will make it out of it alive. She is such an amazing care taker. The past 6 months have been so hard for me physically and emotionally. I had an extremely hard hospital stay in August and she stayed with me all day all night. She never left my bedside. When I was first taken to the hospital I started out in the Emergency Room at one hospital and taken to another hospital by ambulance. When she knew that I would be transferred she immediately went home, got me clothes, movies, and of course my stuffed pig that is always with me in the hospital to make sure that I was comfortable. She even beat the ambulance to the hospital to make sure that she was there when I arrived. She has never once questioned my pain, or sickness and when she knew that I was going threw a very hard time and in what we like to call the "dark place" she suggested that I get some help and start seeing a therapist and since I have been in therapy she has been so supportive and is always on my side no matter what. She is such a great caretaker and I don't think that anyone can say that their sister has done as much for them as she has done for me. She has been there to always defend me and stick up for me in any situation. I know there are times that I have leaned on her probably more then I should but she just always makes me feel safe. She has helped me in ways that she doesn't even know and I am SO grateful for her and her love. 

Like I said Meagen and I have a very special bond. We have a way of always know what each other are thinking and can always finish each others sentences. It sometimes freaks us out at the way we are able to read each others minds! I want her to know how much I love her and admire her so much. She is such an amazing person and I cherish our relationship so much. I am so glad that we have been able to maintain such a beautiful and awesome bond threw the years that continues to grow every day. I love you Meagen!

MADISON:

Oh Madi my love! I have so much to say about Madi I dont even know where to start! Actually I do. Let me just start off by saying that I LOVE her personality. She is the FUNNIEST person I know. Seriously.  She can make me so laugh so hard its amazing and I love it. She is so quick to make hilarious remarks and jokes it amazes me at how quick she is! She is also an amazing friend. Everyone who can call her a friend is truly lucky. She will do ANYTHING for everyone she loves and cares for. She is so protective of the ones she loves that she will always be there for every one of her friends. No matter what they need she will always be there. I am truly honored to not only be able to call her my sister but also my friend.

 I have to admit that Madi and I have always been close but Madison and I didn't always have the relationship that we do now. And the relationship and bond that we have now is so important and special to me. Even though she lives in California I feel closer to her now more then ever. 

Madi is such a strong person she can make it threw anything. I admire the strength that she has. There are things that she has been threw in life that I know that I would not be able to make it threw, and the way she has is truly amazing and admirable. Growing up she was always a "sort your own laundry" kinda girl but I know that she has changed since she was living at home with us and I love it when she calls me to vent or ask advice anything like that. I feel so special when she does that I love that she and I are able to talk to each other about hard things we are going threw or anything like that and anytime I am having a hard time she can ALWAYS make me feel better by laughing and always reminding me to not take things so seriously and that everything will find a way to work out. Even if it may not be the way I want it to she always reminds me that however it does things will be okay and we will find a way to survive. I don't think that there are many people in the world who have the ability to make people realize things like that and Madi truly has that talent. I love the relationship that Madi and I have now and I hope that we can continue to make our bond stronger and I hope she knows how much I cherish our relationship!
Madi helped me threw a very difficult situation in May. When I was out visiting her for my birthday was when I found out that our parents were getting a divorce. As soon as I got off of the phone I broke down and she was right there to comfort me. I feel like it was a blessing that I was there with her during that time because she made things a lot easier for me. And even though I got that phone call on my birthday she made sure that it did not ruin my day! She made it so much fun and did everything she could to take my mind off of what was going on at home. Like I said I am grateful for the blessing that I was able to be with her during that time. Thank you Madison you will never know how much easier you made that situation for me! I love you!

Madison is an AMAZING mother. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she immediately had this amazing spirit about her. She was such a cute little pregnant girl who had so much love for  Kelvin while he was growing inside her. I loved hearing the updates about her appointments and the growth of the baby and everything exciting that comes along with pregnancy. I cant even tell you how amazing of a mother she is. She is the most selfless person and the love she has for Kelvin is so beautiful. When she found out that he has Downsyndrom she learned everything there is to know about it so that she can always take care of him and give him the most healthy and wonderful life. She is so caring and again the love that she has for him is just beautiful. Kelvin is truly lucky to have such wonderful parents who love him so much and would do anything in the world for him. She is so protective of Kelvin and the bond that they have is wonderful. I love being able to spend time with her and see her in action! She takes such good care of him and he is just the happiest baby in the world! She has always been very mature for her age and she just makes me SO proud of her of how great a mother and wife she is. If I ever have kids I hope that I can be the kind of mother that she is. I hope that if I do have kids she will be there to help me out and teach me everything there is to know and how to be so caring and loving like she is! I love Kelvin so much he is the CUTEST kid in the world. He has such an amazing spirit about him I just love him so so much. I wish that we lived closer so that we could spend more time with her and her family but I cherish the times that we get to be together. Thank you Brady and Madi for bringing him into the world! I have the cutest most kick ass nephew in the entire world!!! If that smile doesn't make you melt I don't know what will!

I just wanted to take a little time and let everyone know how special my sisters are. I could be here all night sharing stories and great things about them! I hope they know how much I love them and how important they are to me. I sometimes feel like people should be jealous of how great my sisters are and how close we are to each other. Anyone who has sisters should always make time for each other and should develop great relationships with them. I don't think that there is any friendship more important and great then the ones that sisters have with each other. Like I said Sisters by chance friends by choice!! 

Let me just finish off by saying.. LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL MY SISTERS ARE!!!

Insomnia and frustration

iNsOmNiA.... I HaTe YoU!!

My insomnia is making my life REALLY frustrating. Its really starting to piss me off. And tonight I have so much on my mind that it is making it 10 times worse. 

Today I had to go BACK to court (UGH) to ask the judge to switch my work diversion into community service. Let me just start off by saying there is a HUGE difference between the two. Work Diversion is very physical manual labor. It is all outside doing things such as picking up trash, cutting down trees, shoveling snow things like that. For 8 hours straight. Community service is basically doing volunteer work... working in libraries, hospitals, some office work, its all inside and not physical work. 

Now that I have explained that let me just say that having to go back to court is so depressing! Court is depressing! I want so badly to correct my mistake and put this behind me. Every time I walk into the courtroom I get a sick feeling in my stomach. It just reminds me of the mistake that I made and how badly I hate myself for it. Court is terrifying and being surrounded by inmates in shackles and having to go before a very intimidating judge for the FOURTH time is just depressing and I hate it. But I had to do it and I will be honest and say that I have actually been blessed with a very good public defender ( Its not the HOT one who looks like Ryan Gosling who I will confess Meagen and I TOTALLY have a crush on who  makes court so much better when he walks into a room.... Let me put it this way.. He is so good looking I would go out and commit another crime in hopes that he will be my public defender hahahah JUST KIDDING I am not really thinking about doing that but he is so good looking) Anyway... what was I saying? Oh yes, I have been blessed with a very good public defender who has made this whole situation a lot easier. She explains things very well and has done everything to make this not so scary! She did a great job of getting a plea deal for me and well... I wont go into more detail but she has made things a lot easier and has worked very hard on my case! Also, I have been very blessed to also get on the judges good side. I don't know what I did to do that but she is very nice to me and even though I am ALWAYS one of the lasts ones to go up and talk to her she never gives me the lecture that she usually gives everyone else who is there. Its weird when I am sitting there and listening to everyone elses cases and everything she seems so scary and I am SO nervous to go up even though my attorney does all the talking I just stand there I am so nervous to go up but once I get up there Its really not that bad because she is not mean to me or scary with me at all. So I feel like I have been blessed with those things. 

( I promise I am going somewhere with this... thanks for continuing reading this far.) 

But today I had to go back and ask for my work diversion to be switched to community service. When I was sentenced she ordered me to do 15 days of work diversion I was only able to do one. 8 hours of picking up trash gave me about 6 days flat on my back literally having to have meagen help me walk up and down the stairs, get in bed, brush my hair, everything because I was hurting so badly just from that 1 day. I knew that I just physically was not going to be able to do the physical work involved with that. I immediately called my attorney and she told me to call the deputies with the program explain that I have a medical condition that is not allowing me to be able to do everything involved with the program. I did just that he said that I had credit for 1 day and that I can either just go spend the rest of the 14 days in County Jail or I can go before the judge and asked it to be switched to community service. Okay well HELLO Obviously I am going to avoid jail if all possible so my attorney started the process of getting it switched over. She first tried asking the prosecutor if they were okay with it if they were there was no need for me to go before the judge. She never got a response from them so we set a court date. Which was today. I brought in medical documents including a letter from my doctor saying that I have fibromyalgia. Let me just say the prosecutor was SUCH an ASS! And if I had the chance I would have let him have a piece of my mind but had I said what I wanted to I am pretty sure my ass would be in the slammer tonight so I am going to get it off my mind right here! We went before the judge and explained the situation and asked her to have it switched over. She said okay does the state (prosecutor) have any problems with that? This guy stood up and said " Well, my only concern is is that she just doesn't want to be out in the cold picking up garbage. I think that this illness she is claiming to have may just be an excuse to get out of this and blow it off." So my attorney turned around and said " Well, to be honest I am not extremely familiar with fibromyalgia but I know enough that the cold does make the pain worse but this is not an excuse to get out of anything her illness is just not going to allow her to do the physical work." So he replied by saying " Well, she did one day and there is no record of her saying anything or complaining of pain or any mention of her not being able to do the work because of it." OKAY! HELLO!! Of course I am not going to complain while I am there I was told I would go to jail for that and what was I suppose to do go to the officer and say "Yeah I hurt so can I just sit in the van with you the rest of the day" OH MY GOSH!! So the judge actually kind of defended me by saying "Well community service is not physical manual labor like work diversion is I see why they are asking for it to be switched." And the prosecutor said "Well its your call your honor but I just think that we may be here in a few weeks with her saying that she can't do that either and is finding a way to get out of it."
I was SOOOO MAD!! I so badly just wanted to turn around and be like ya know what I would LOVE to be able to just go and do the work and be done with this. But something as simple as picking up garbage just about killed me. I would love for my body to be able to allow me to do the work that so many other are able to do. I am not trying to get out of anything I followed every step that I was told to do to make everyone aware that it is a physical illness that is not allowing me to do it. And if you were familiar with fibro AT ALL you would know why its not easy for me. DO NOT make accusations such as I am just trying to find a way to get out of this and I just don't want to be out in the cold and just whining about working. I was SO MAD!!  And I just can not get this off of my mind. It is just bugging me so badly how rude he was and the rude things he was saying like so much of it was just so uncalled for I so badly wanted to stick up for myself but I couldn't. It makes me want to send a letter and say everything I wish I could have said in the courtroom with just a few sheets on information about Fibro. But honestly it wasn't even the fact that he didn't think that fibro was a good enough reason it was the fact that he accused me of just wanting to get out of this and trying to blow it off because I just don't want to pick up garbage. UGH! SO FREAKING RUDE!!! In the end the judge ruled in my favor and gave me 112 community service hours on the condition that I turn in progress reports to let her know that I am doing it. I am going to do it as QUICKLY as possible she gave me until August 31st to finish it but I am going to get it done ASAP just so I can show that guy that I am not trying to blow this off I just physically am un able to do the hard manual labor. JERK OFF! 


If there is anyone that actually read all of that thanks for listening to me vent... Haha! I know it seems like all I do is bitch but for those of you who worry about my emotional mental status I promise I am doing better despite my anger that I just displayed! Thanks again for reading and here are some pictures that I wanted to share... They are of me and my awesome friend Sam years ago modeling for a Paul Mitchell hair show. It was SO much fun!!  Enjoy! ( And dont worry my hair was only that freaking WHITE for the show... they gave me a more natural looking blonde afterwards! For free!! Yay!!) Oh and also! I am flying out on Monday to see Madi and I can not wait!!