Whatever.

Its foggy today. So foggy that while at work looking at the security cameras to the ones that look outside I can't see anything. Ok. Thats a lie. I can. But its foggy. Today when my mom and I came to work we parked in front of this tree that had like ice crystals all over it. It was so pretty. I wanted to take a picture but I only had my camera on my phone and it would not have been a good picture. I didn't have a real camera becuase.. alas... my mom dropped it in the toilet. I don't blame her.. it could happen to anyone I mean who DOESN'T take a camera into the bathroom?

(That is what our toilet looked like after it gobbled our camera. Ha. I crack myself up.)

Yesterday was My little sisters 19th birthday! Her last "Teen" Birthday.. Well Happy Birthday Madi. As my present to you I am going to give you some olderly sister wise advice.. Enjoy this last year of being a teenager becuase next year you will be welcomed into adult life. . .It sucks ass and there is no way to get the hell out. Trust me. I have tried.

I kid I kid. That is not my present to you.. Your present is a shout out to you on my blog becuase lets face it.. My blog is Uh mazing and we all know SOOO many people read it. Ha. ( Ha I don't even know if Madi reads it lol) Whatever. So The shout out goes like this: Happy Birthday BubbleGum Ballerina I love and Miss you so much. I can't believe that you are going to be a mom soon. You are going to make such a great mom I am so happy for you, and I can't wait until we have Kelvin Kyler Love's birthday =).. I hope you had a great Birthday and I wish that we could have all been in your Sunny 70 degree California weather with you. Love and miss you and Happy Birthday!!

I love the word " Whatever".. Its like my " Thing".. becuase im not the sharpest crayon in the box I don't know many big words.. So if my chance I might be so bored that I happen to pick up a book and I don't know the big words in it I replace it with the word " Whatever".. But now its in my everyday vocabulary.. Like at work if I don't want to deal with someone I just say "Whatever" .... I don't know why I just wrote about that.. Whatever.

So I am pretty sure that I have a tumor in my leg. Its right below my knee... I believe right below my minisucus.. Yeah thats right.. I know big words.. I know body parts. Psh.. forget GREY'S anatomy make it HOLLI'S Anatomy. Where was I going with this..... ... Oh yes. Tumor. My leg hurts and there is a huge lump in my leg. I can hardly walk... Im gimping it lately. Don't believe me about the tumor fine.. I'll prove it. . . . This photo might be disturbing.. I am giving everyone fair warning. . . Its pretty bad... Im not even talking about my tumey tumor.. I'm talking about the white legs and tube socks... This photoe was taken by Emily Judd.. She was a brave one taking this picture and asking to see my tumor. Okay.. Deep breaths.. Here we go

So, I'm not really sure why there is a big white box in the picture. Apparently I am not very good at this thing called " Paint" On my computer. Ha. Whatever.

Attention to all of my co-workers who read my blog. Sorry if this offends whoever is responsible for this sick and discustingness that I found on Saturday night

Oh you can't see it? I'm sorry.. Let me give you a closer look.


See the dried food on it? Oh my lord. I can't even look at it. Moving on.

So I have a crazy story including an 80 year old lady and a baby crying and someone throwing a punch right in the middle of the mall... but I will save it for a new post!

What is with the Rot ass orange color I am using? .. Whatever.

Word

So people might think that becuase I have not blogged in years people might think it might becase I have been busy with life.. well my friends and stalkers.. don't be confused.. I have no life. I just.. am kind of over blogging. Its so 2008. Hehe just kidding. I will be blogging more friends I am so sorry for my being absent. Since the New Year I have been sticking to my resolutions which are: Writting in my journal every night. In my new journal that my mom bought for me. I would show you the inside and let you read it but I am not that open anymore. Sorry friends.

I just wanted to write about some of the fun stuff I have done over the time I have not been blogging. Then after this I will be a better blog then there won't be a million crappy camera

phone pictures and a huge long post for everyone to read.

I have been spending a lot of time with my friend Tyler. I could have a huge long post alone just talking about how much I love my friend Tyler. I will just sum it up to I don't even know where I would be and how I would have survived all the things I have with out him. He treats me like a princess and one day he is going to make a girl so lucky. Ty is amazing. I think that he is one of the few people who know me .. the real me and every single side and mood of me and everything there is about me what I love and what I hate. And becuase he knows everything about me he knows that I love the color pink he knows that I love flowers and he knows that I love GETTING FLOWERS!!! The smaller ones he bought for me while we made a midnight run to wal mart.. I didnt even see him buying them! sneaky man this Tyler. Then the HUGE ones ( I know these pictures are crap and don't do these justice) I came home to these pink pretties after a long miserable day at work and it completely made my day! I was SO excited! Woo for flowers! I love flowers!

Arnt they so pretty and pink!!

There is a mexican tradition that I have know idea whats its called... what its for.. it just involvs cutting a cake that has little baby dolls in it and if you get a piece with it then you make dinner... or rolls or something? I dont know. But while at work the housekeepers invited me to participate in the tradition and I got to cut some of the cake.. I did not get a doll baby thing but it was fun :) it was nice of then to invite me to do becuase up until then I was pretty sure all of the housekeepers hated me.

Speaking of work... I made a waffle one day and it had horns.. as in devil horns!! Is that a bad sign.. Crap..

If it is a bad sign then its probably not going to help me out that I made a devil face and took pictures with it. . eh.. Whatever!

ps.. I love the word whatever.

Someone at work is very funny. I found this microwave with this note on it in the storage room. Ha. I laughed for like an hour about it. I still don't know who wrote it but you are very funny Hampton Employee!

I have added a movie to my favorite movie list. CHICAGO... Let me start with saying that I hate musicals. Hate them. But this movie has dancing.. Amazing dancing. I love it. I just can't get over how awesome the dancing is. Anyway. So.Chicago is pretty sweet man.

Bath and body works Exotic cocunut lotion is amazing. I love it. Its my all time favorite. I went to the semi annual sale.. they only have it in body wash and hand soap... Boo!!! So I ordered it online.. THATS how much I LOVE this stuff. Also... I have a new obsession with lip smackers.

How cute is my little sister!? I swear she is the cutest pregnant girl Eva!!!

Anyway I will do better at blogging I just don't have a lot of things to blog about so I just stopped. Right now I am doing good and I am happy. Even though its a medicated happy I don't care. Im happy. There are some things that I keep dwelling on and wish that I could change and have but I am happy. I love my family so much I am ok with work I am trying to set goals for myself at work and I am doing much better with it. I am really liking writting in my journal everyday its really helping me. I know that sounds dumb but it is helping to get everything out that needs to be out on paper. I am really trying hard to be with friends and not just do what I usually do and say I will hang out with them but never do I am really making an effort to connect with old friends that I miss so much, make new friends and spend time with them, and surround myself with people I love and make me happy. And I think am doin alright :).. so Whatever!

Hopefully this Meagen will help me then this weekend I am going to be making books for some friends. I am going to be making Brendon a book for his mission... I am going to make Amy a USA book ... and I think thats it :) So if that happends I will blog about it.. becuase I am going to blog more agian hehe.. whatever

Sorry.. I'm Closed.

I believe John Lennon said it best " All You Need Is Love." I believe that to be very true. True LOVE love. His and hers towels love. Let you eat the last bite of cheesecake love. Hold a radio over my head outside your window love. Let you pick what we do tonight becuase I don't care I just want to be with you love. Some friendships are love. Always being there for you. Doing nothing but sit and talk and having the best time of your life love. Euphoric feelings becuase you are so happy being surrounded by friends who love you. I believe Both of those loves are all you need. But what happends when you believe that but can't accept it anymore? Why don't I date? Becuase I don't want to fall in love. Why don't I want to fall in love? Becuase I don't want to get hurt. Why don't I go and hang out with friends when they ask? Becuase I don't want to become close, and then they leave me. I have trust issues. Its all a lose lose for me. Friends ask me to hang out and all the time and I always come up with some excuse why I can't. I don't know why. I want to go out and have fun but I can't trust people. And I am sick of loosing people. I can't get close to anyone. But after I say no I feel bad becuase I let my friends down, and I am sad because I am sitting at home depressed. I don't get asked out often.. or ever.. ha but when I do I immediatly come up with a reason why I can't. " I'm seeing someone".. I give them my number but I never answer when they call. I so badly wan't that LOVE LOVE. For the last 3 months I have stayed away from the people who have hurt me.. I didn't not give in and agree to see them like I usually do. I have let my heart and emotions take a break and took care of myself. Im done with that. I am finally in a stage where I am happy with my job. I have taken care of myself very well and I have a lot more good days then I do bad. I am as healthy as I can be under the circumstances. I am rarely in a bad mood anymore. I am not a bitch to everyone everyday. ( most of the time) I spend a lot of time with my family and I love it. I love my family so much. But why can't I love anyone else and let anyone else love me? I am ready to have love and to have friends agian. I want it so badly I want to be a happy 21 year old like everyone else my age. Out dating.. out with friends.. having a relationship.. even being married. I am not saying I want to be married anytime soon becuase believe me I am not ready to go down that road agian.. thats a whole other issue. But I want love.. love with a relationship and good friends. I just can't have my heart broken agian. I don't want that agian. I can't have that agian. I don't want to feel that pain of being alone and being hurt. And I don't want my friends and people who I become close to and can count on to leave me. People are always leaving me. Saying goodbye to me. Why can't I get over my trust issues and just let love in? What is wrong with me? I use to be such an open person.. share anything with anyone.. but I can't let people in anymore. I can't let love in. I have been broken, beaten down, and had my heart and feelings hurt to many times. I am damaged goods. I have issues... and seriously need a therapist.

See ya 08!

And don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out!

Okay. 2008 was not ALL that bad. There was some good times. But in my life there is always more bad times then good. ( Pitty party.. table of 1?) I don't know why people say they are glad for the year to be over. Nothing changes. You still have the same life.. you still have to get up in the morning and go to the same job and work with the same people.. you come home to the same house.. You still have the same problems on January 1st as you did on December 31st So what changes in the new year? Did I miss out on the sign up sheet for everything to change in life in the New Year? Ya..Pretty sure its all the same.

I have no resolutions for 2009.. No wait. Thats a lie. I do. Its to write in a journal every night. This is for you my readers.. maybe I can bitch in my journal instead of on here so you don't have to read it =) .... Could maybe someone buy me a journal? Thatd be great thanks. Maybe my resolutions should be to not date any douche bags. I tried that in 08.. did not do me well. ( Thats what she said)

Some good things that did happen in 2008:

• Found out I was going to be an aunt.. found out I am going to have a newphew! Kelvin Kyler Love
• Went to Disneyland in May with Johanna and had such a fun time.
• Re connected with olds friends
• Discovered 7-11 taquitos
• Got a promotion
• This last month of the year I became the healthiest that I have been 5 years.
• I did not get married... keyword.. not
• Got to see the Twilight movie at midnight when it came out.. even though the movie blows goats .. it was still a very fun thing to do.
• I got to meet One Replublic,Paramore, and someone else.. dont remember his name.. I guess I dont really care that much.

I could go into detail about all the crappy things that happened in 08 but.. I will spare you. But I learned from 2008..

• Don't date douche bags
• The only boy a girl can trust is her daddy
• Don't eat egg rolls and reeses peanut butter cups for breakfast. You will throw up
• Finding a new decent job is hard
• Massachussets sucks
• If you smell gas in your car don't wait until the point where you must pull over and roll the window down becuase your high from it. Take your car in.
• Don't take cars to Pep boys... Sucky boys! Another resolution : find a new car... or buy a new pair of running shoes!

See... 2008 was not a complete loss

Well friends.. family.. bloggy friends and bloggy stalkers I wish you all a Happy new year with abundant Peace, love and happiness!