About Damn Time!

About damn time for what you may ask?

Oh its nothing that's a big deal or anything just that I finally have health insurance.

That's right.. Ya heeeeeeeeard me.

I have not had any health insurance since I was 18 years old. I am now 21 going on 22 in 1 month.


The day that my insurance kicks in my bladder shuts down. Possible my kidneys.. thats why I have not gone pee in 7 days.

My insurance company is gonna loooooooooooove me! hehe..

I am who?

I have this meeting to go to in a few weeks for work. We have a bunch of new people so we have the assignment to bring something to this meeting that represents yourself. ( I know its like the fist day of 7th grade all over again.) Well ... I dont know what to bring. If it really were 7th grade I would bring in a pair of my dance shoes, tommy girl perfume, white eyeliner, and a bottle of body glitter because thats who I was back then.

Thats not me anymore.

Although a part of me wish it was still that girl.


But now I need help. I don't know what to bring in.

Now should I bring in a pill bottle? I'm always sick..

A baseball?... Thats only me 4 months out of the year.. the other months I don't really care about it.

I could bring in a picture of my family.. I am very close to my family. They are my everything!

A big sign that just has a question mark on it because I am often found with a huge question mark on my face becuase I either dont know whats going on, I am confused by something, or I am lost in thought about how if I flushed a live goldfish why wouldn't it be able to swim back up to the bowl.. Or is it possible to breath in threw your nose and out threw your mouth at the same time? hmm.. all good questions.

I could bring in a season of Grey's Anatomy... I love Greys Anatomy!! Seriously.Obsessed.Seriously.

Maybe I could bring in my journal. I love writing. I have always loved writting.

Or one of my perfumes. ( Oh I have decided that I am going to start a collection of them!.. Please feel free to donate to my collection!)

I don't know people. Tell me what to bring in. Im leaving it up to my readers. And by readers I mean Meagen, Mom, Madi, Kacee, and Mckenna. Help please friends :)

Leave me a comment, or send me an email whatever. Just help me decide what to bring in!

I miss

Dancing. We have 15 dance teams in the hotel this week. I hate when dancers come to the hotel. It makes me miss dancing so much. I hate it becuase I really thought that I would make a carrer and life dancing. And now look at me.

I'm just checking the people that could have be me in to a hotel.

..Awesome.

Top of The Mornin' to ya laddy!

Leprechauns freak me out.

And you better not pinch me or ill break your fingers off!


"Write it or i'll break it off!!!!!!" ( Ten points to whoever names that movie... Meagen you don't count.)

APPROVED

Read HERE To find out what I am talking about! ApPrOvEd!

OPERATION POP THE TIRE

It has been brought to my attention that I am becoming some what of a big fat fatty. Seriously. I have become a fatty fatty 2 by 4 can't fir threw the kitchen door. I am not longer my size 0 that I have been for the past 9 years of my life. When I finally hit over 100 pounds my doctor clapped and cheered. Now when I go to the doctor and walk down the hall to the scale its like I am making China aware that the fatty is now stepping on the scale so hold on to your valuables.. booom boooom boooom. To bad none of this weight went to an area where I could use to put a little more plump in.. *Cough the breasticals cough* I still have the mind set that I can eat whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want. Sadly.. those days are over. I know that I am not the healthiest eater, and I have also been doing research online about the side effects of some of the medication I am on. 4 out of the 7 cause weight gain... that's great. Since I can't stop taking them I guess all I can change are my eating habits. So as soon as I finish my 4th Reese's peanut butter cup this morning I will look up diets and see which one sounds good. I am not writing this to get comments saying " Oh no Holli, you don't need to diet your not fat".. Please... Shut Yo mouth!

I am wearing a big ol BIG O TIRE around my waist, and I fear that soon...it will turn into a monster truck tire.

I want to have my size zero dancer body back... that body that had a 4 pack of muscles on her stomach. Not this fat fat fatty one. I need to pop the tire. I need to eat and drink better and start working out again. Get back in shape. I am going to brave to say may weight on here. I weigh around 125 right now..... I would like to loose at least 10 pounds.. Its time to bust out my Suzanne Somers exercise DVDs, and my Pilate's mat and start back up! Also, I am off to find some diets to start on. If anyone knows of a good one let me know!!! And like at the zoo don't feed the animals.. please don't feed me. This is Operation Pop The Tire.

I will keep you updated on the status of this operation and hopefully when I am done I will look like

this!

Who I Am

I have tried to find myself and discover who I am and what I want. I think life and everything in it needs a theme. I tried to be a punk rock emo girl, and wore nothing but pink black and skulls for a while. Although enjoying wearing pink and drawing hearts with bones under them on everything I found that I am to soft to be a punk emo rock star. Id like to thank my good friend Niesha for going there with me.

Continuing on the search to find who I am I went Granola for a while. I didn't feel that the brown strappy sandals made from grocery bags and and my " Go Green" shirt went good together. And well lets face it.. I don't care about the earth THAT much.

If I could have my and not have to live a normal -go to work from 9 to 5 - do normal things adult every day life-... My life would be totally different. I know that deep down I am such a FLoWeR cHiLd....For reals. I would love to be a hippy. Being a free spirit and just show love to myself and everyone else around. I would love to just travel the world and promote peace and love. That's what its all about. Peace and love.

I want peace. Unfortunately I don't know how to be a peace maker. Hippies and are so amazing in the way that they are so passionate about everything they love... maybe because they are high.. but hey if thats what it takes to be one of them sign me up! =) Hehe I kid I kid. But seriously I am definitely a flower child. I would love to wear nothing every day but a bikini top, a head band, and a flower behind my ear. I want to have nothing to worry about but world peace. I want that. Peace and love is what I wish for, and one day hope to have.But... sadly...I am not a hippie.. Yet. For now, I have to live a normal life with a job, and things to worry about. When did I become an adult.. and how do I make it stop?

I don't know who I really am or what I want out of life but I feel that if I keep trying to change who I am to find who I am I will never find someone real, and that is something I know I want. I love to feel loved and I love to love. My family will be the first to tell you that I do not go a day without telling them I love them. Although people who really know me would beg to differ because they know that I do have a fighting side to me..but I am a lover not a fighter. I don't think there is a better feeling then being in love. Love is the answer, and if you have love then you have everything. The times where I thought I was in love I now realize that I was not in love. But I did learn what love is about, and what it consists of. Maybe I have not learned what true love is yet but I have learned what true love is not. Love should not be difficult, hard, or make you think if its really there or not. Situations can be hard and difficult but if you have love then those things only make you both stronger together.

I know a few things about myself that are definite. I know that I am an emotional person. I know that I worry about everything and everyone. I don't have much self control or will power. I like to write and if you were to look in my journal you would see that's true. Its not writing about how my day went or " dear diary" moments. Its just random rambling about life in general. Not always my life.. just life. I am not willing to settle for someone agian. I wish I could take that part of my life away and pretend it never happened but I can't. The only good thing I got out of it was that I realized what I don't want in a husband. It was all just a lesson learned.

I can't get out there and enjoy being a 21 year old. Around here if your21 and not married there is something wrong with you. And becuase that is how it is around here and becuase of my luck all my friends are married. Friends being married equals.. go find new friends Holli. I can't find friends becuase I have trust issues. There is only 4 people in this world that I can fully trust. My family and my doctor. Anyone else who I have ever loved or became really close to have left me. Everyone always leaves me. I can't learn to get close to someone becuase I can't say goodbye to another person when they leave. And they will. They always leave.

I need to figure out what it is that I want out of life. I can't though until I figure out who exactly I am. You hear about these people who have amazing life experienes, and how they learned so much about themselves and who they are. Well when is my experience. I feel like I am going no where. I have no faith in myself or others anymore.

Faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

(G.A.)

Feel free to leave me a comment telling me that I need to go to therapy becuase I am well aware.

Join The Movement

For those of you who don't know my mom has Multiple Sclerosis. You can read her story HERE.

Multiple sclerosis: Abbreviated MS. A disease of the central nervous system (CNS) marked by numbness, weakness, loss of muscle coordination, and problems with vision, speech, and bladder control. MS is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system attacks myelin, a key substance that serves as a nerve insulator and helps in the transmission of nerve signals. The progress, severity and specific symptoms in MS are unpredictable. One never knows when attacks will occur, how long they will last, or how severe they will be. Most people with MS are between the ages of 20 and 40 at the time of diagnosis. The term "multiple" refers to the multiple places in the CNS that are affected and to the multiple relapses and remissions characteristic of MS.

So my mom has MS and her and I try and do the MS walk each year. This year's theme for MS is JOIN THE MOVEMENT.

Alot of the employees at the hotel have also signed up to do the walk with us, and also my friend Kacee! I Am so excited to walk this year with everyone. It means so much to me that so many people are supporting my mom and doing this to find a cure for MS. Just our group of people walking with us, we have already made $150.00 just from the money that we have donated
ourselves! That is awesome! The First walk that I did was a very humbeling experience. I saw alot of people that have MS that are no longer able to walk, and they were in wheelchairs. Some were not even able to function at all. So it was very humbling for me to see that, and I feel so lucky that my mom is still able to walk and be in the condition she is with her MS.

As I get older I understand MS more and more and how lucky that she is where shes at with it. I don't know how she does it. If you didn't know she had MS you would never know. She always has it together, and is the most bubbly and energetic person I know. Even on the off days when she has her shots and you know she does not feel good you never hear her say anything about it. Go mom Go.

Anyway, the point of this post is to make people aware of this. By people I mean my bloggy friends and my blog stalkers. If you would like to donate to find a cure for MS you can contact me at holli.ridley@yahoo.com or just leave me a comment. To all my blog stalkers I know your out there and I don't mind that you stalk my blog its okay =) so don't be scared to contact me. In addition, if you would like to get more information on this you can go to http://www.curemsutah.org/

I am so excited to be apart of this. Knowing that I am not only helping a good cause but it is going to help my mom as well. Thank you to all of you who have donated and are walking this year. It means so much to me and deffinitly my mom!! I hope that I can do this each year and when it comes to the point where my mom is in a wheelchair she will have it pimped out and rolling along the side of me! ( You think I might be kidding but I'm not..she will have a wheelchair with flags horns and streamers =)

Blreds have more fun!

I am a red and blonde head! I'm a Blred head! Hehe =)... But seriously.

( my apologies for the cRaZy eYe I am giving in this picture.. What the fu?)

I went and put more blonde and red in my hair! .. obviously. I wanted something new rather then just being the same old blonde. So in honor of Madi I put red in my hair. I was going to do it all really blonde on top and then do red underneath like in the window but I decided agianst it. I have been trying to grow my hair back out but we found a really cute cut so 3 bowls of color, 3 inches cut off and great thanks to Bethany here is the new me!!! Woo!

I am not use to the red yet but I am getting there. I like it now and will grow to love it. I think I should have had this hair when I was in my Punk stage.

I think I am going to become one of those girls who dies and changes their hair like every month. Yeah... Maybe next month I will go Jet Black! ... wait... thought that threw... Bad Idea.

Here is a conversation that I had with my mom after she saw it.. it went a little something like this.

Mom: Wow!!! Its beautifull! This is my favorite that I have ever seen on you!

Me: I am not all blonde anymore!! Now I don't have anything to blame my stupidity on!

Mom: Hobo.. I think that whenever you say something dumb.. everyone will know that you are a true and natural blonde.

Me: Wait.. what? I don't get.

Mom: Ya.. my point exactly

...Yeah I am still trying to figure that one out..