Are you kidding me?

I came into work today and there is a freaking wedding announcment sitting on my box. ANOTHER wedding announcment. That is so not the first thing I wanted to see first thing this morning.

voo doo bobby pins

There is some freaky ass stuff going on in my apartment. First of all.. for like the past 2 months Meagen and I have heard people trying to get into our apartment in the middle of the night. As soon as we hear our door knob start to jiggle the dog wakes up and bolts to the living room and starts barking like crazy. ( Dogs always know when someone is out there....) This has happened on nights when we are both there and it has happened on nights that we have been alone. Its freaky. And with all my major fears of being kidnapped .... lets just say the kidnapper clothes have turned into like my entire closet being dumped out on my bed. ( * If you don't know the story of my crazy kidnapper clothes... leave a comment and I will post the story**)

Thats not even the creepy part!! The other night I was playing with Tonka and he ran under my bed so I went under the bed to get him out... and I found this.....

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?

( And I actually screamed that out when I found them...)

I would not be freaked out at all if these bobby pins were still straight. Becuase I mean lets face it the best place to look for bobby pins is on my bedroom floor =) ..But the fact that they are all bent like that!? Tonka is not capable of bending them like that... I don't bend them like that and then throw them underneath my bed.. What the hell!? There is a TON of them like that under my bed... Those were just the only ones that we pulled out there is still probably close to 15 more under there. I can't sleep with my hair up so its always down which means there is no bobby pins in my hair that I could be taking out in my sleep and bending them and throwing them under the bed! We have some crazy freak doing voo doo with bobby pins in our apartment! AhHhH! We are living in House on Haunted Oakhurst!

Two Thousand And Nine

2009

I know people usually wait until after New Years to do this post but whatever. Today is Christmas and I am trying to think about everything that has happened since this time last year. I wouldn't say it was a bad year but I wouldnt say it was a good year. I remember Christmas last year. My mom suprised us by brining Madi and Brady out here to spend Christmas with us. But to be honest, I don't remember a thing about New Years. I can not remember anything that I did. Weird.

**My work Christmas last year was alot of fun! My mom was really sick with phenomia and so she was unable to go but my dad was so sweet and came with me as my date and we had alot of fun!

He was my good luck charm! Every year at our party we have a raffle for all the employees. Everyone wins a prize but I never ever win anything that I want and this year I scored!!! There was an awesome tool kit that was.... wait for it.... PINK!!! Everything was PINK!!! I had been eyeing it for weeks! And guess what? ... I WON IT!

I couldn't believe that I won it! I was so excited!! When he picked the number and I realized it was mine I yelled out " SHUT UP!" I had alot of fun at the party and believe it or not I use my took kit ALL the time!!! Half the stuff I don't even know what it is but the simple stuff I use all the time and I L.O.V.E it! Thanks daddy for coming with me!

** Febuary was Valentines month. I hate valentines day. I always have. And always will. It was a holiday to keep Halmark and Hersheys in business. I have had valentines day as a single person and as an engaged person.. It doesn't make it any better. But this years V-day wasn't so bad, it was actually kind of fun. Remeber in elementary school when you would decorate little boxes so all your classmates could put their V-day cards in them. Well the hotel did that for the employees this year. We all decorated boxes and put them on the mantle of the fireplace in the lobby and had guests vote for the best box. Mine won! Wahoo! Pink is my color... I know how to decorate for V-day!

I got lots of gifts from my 5 year old boyfriend Greg aka Bubba.

**In March of 2009 my kidneys shut down and I went into Renal Failure and almost died. I would  say that was a " not so good part" of 2009.

What a horribly miserable time of the year. No wait... Of my life! I have never been more afraid in my life. I honestly thought that this was the end for me, I honest to god thought that I was going to die. Probably becuase the doctor told my mom that had it been one more day they waited to admit me, I probably would have.Thats awesome. 

Seriously. Could I look anymore like death? Haha Fug! Who knew not being able to pee for 6 days straight would lead to renal failure! Now I know!

My mom never left my side. She was there with my every single day and every single night. I know I am a 22 year old and should be a big girl and be able to spend the night by myself at the hospital but... well... lets face it. I'm not. I don't know what I would have done with out her! She was there to give me hugs and wipe my tears. She watched movies with me all night long when I couldn't sleep and stuck up for me when the ass hole doctors came in and told me that I am just a crazy drug seeker. ( ya she let em have it! Go mom dawg!) She slept in that horribly uncomfortable chair every single night and never left my side. Thanks Mom.

I have never felt more loved in my life while going threw all of that. I had so many flowers and teddy bairs and all kinds of stuff sent to me that we ran out of room to put it and the nurses had to keep them out on their desk until someone could run then home to make more room! I had so many vistors come and sit with me and even though I don't even remember then being there because I was so drugged they just came to sit with me. I was never alone, when my mom would go home to shower and get more clothes or whatever there was someone who would come and sit with me so I wouldnt be alone. Whether it was my sister Meagen, or my dad, Neighbors, friends or even my doctor would sit with me until someone else could come I was never alone. I had my entire stake fasting for me, my neighbors came to the hospital at 4am just to come give me a blessing, my bishop came to see my every single day, my work called me everyday I have never felt more loved and cared about before in my entire life. Thank you everyone who took care of me, came to visit me, and sent me things to cheer me up. You will never know how much all of you that did stuff for me means to me thank you!

** In April of 2009 by adorable nephew was born! I became an aunt for the first time and its so much fun! He lives in California though so I don't get to see him much be he is so freaking adorable and I love him so much!

Kelvin Kyler Love.. AKA KK

He is so cute I love him so much! Being an aunt is awesome. I can't wait until he gets older and I am going to be cool aunt Holli, I am going to take him to get his first tattoo.. get him drunk for the first time, and teach him how to smoke ciggys! ... I mean... Uh... what? =) Hehe I love you Kelvin, and I am so proud of my little sister Madi who is such an amazing mother to this sweet little angel. 

**In May it was my 22nd birthday and it was a pretty rotten birthday. I was still not imporving from being in renal failure. In order to get my kidney and bladder up and functioning correctly they had to do a trial for a unit called an interstem. Which is sort of like a pacemaker for my kidneys and bladder. They decided to put the test one in on my birthday. BOO Read about it HERE

I had to wear this for a week... no showering no bending my back nothing it was awful!

I have been threw alot in my life and I must say that this was one of the most terrifying things I have ever been threw. And the fact that they said " We should have given her some valium to relax her" AFTER they did this really pissed me off! It was terrifying. But luckily they were nice enough to have my mom and dad sit with me and hold my hand  even though that didn't make me less freaked out about the fact that they had needles about an inch away from my spine going threw my back... Yikes! Because this procedure did work though I was suppose to have a surgery to have this unit placed in my surgicaly in my hip and I will wear it forever to keep my kidneys and bladder working. Unfortunity my heartless asshole insurance company wont approve it. So I am in the process of finding an attorney to sue them bitches!

** In May Meagen moved from her apartment for the past 5 years to a new apartment. I helped ( and by help I mean I played with the dog) I helped her pack and move and it was a very busy weekend!

(Please don't make fun of my huge fat stomache ( that is not fat that is my bladder that is so big becuase I can't pee it makes me look pregnant and fat!! and the fact that I look like I am feeling myself up ... it looks like I went to second base on myself!...wait.)

** In June... ( I think it was June) Meagen and I took a road trip to St George. It was a freaking blast! Even though I was sick with bronchitas and we almost got kicked out of the hotel for bringing the dog it was so much fun!!!! We rented a car and drove down there. We really did nothing but hang out at the hotel, laid out by the pool and ate the entire 3 days but we had so much fun. It was a much much needed getaway! I wish I could go back to that weekend... but I would wear sunscreen this time...

**This year my neighbors were so kind enough to GIVE me.. yes I said GIVE me a car after mine died and was un able to be brought back to life! They put a brand spankin new clutch in it for me and handed me the keys! How awesome is that! What a blessing! Thank you Doxeys!

** This Summer I really didn't get into the Owlz baseball season that much =( I just was not able to go every night like I usually do becuase I just was so sick and did not have the energy to do anything. So I missed out on seeing my summer family, getting to know the team and all that. I didn't even really know the players that lived with us, I dont even remember their names. Sad. In the beggining of the season we had Trever Pippen a returning player from previous seasons until the Angels released him and we had to say goodbye.

There was a horrible tragedy when Nick Adenhart was killed in a car accident when he was hit by a drunk driver. He was such an amazing and talented pitcher. I got the oppurtunity to meet and get to know him when he played for the Owlz. He was just a year younger then me and the night he was killed he pitched a perfect game for the Anahiem Angles and then was killed.

RIP Nick

**In august my dad planned a suprise 25th wedding anniversary for him and my mom! It was so much fun planning and the party turned out amazing! Congrats to my mom and dad I only hope that when I get married I am as happy and wonderful parents like they are! I love my parents so so much I don't know what I would do without them! They are amazing!

Also in August I moved into Meagens apartment with her! It is so much fun living with her! Its awesome to be out on my own and have the independance its great! I really miss living with my parents and I miss my rent being a 12 pack of coke each month instead of actual money but its great I LOVE living with my best friends its so much fun!! ... Even though her dog shits in my room everyday I still love it!

**In September I had a really rough month with my health. I have still not gotten my surgery that I am in need of and all of this is just really wearing my body out. Since Renal failure have been home bound lots of times to wear not only do nurses come out to see me every day but I have been to sick to go see my doctor so he comes to see me. I now have a Picc line in my arm and I will continue to wear it until whenever I get my surgery. Ugh.

** I don't remember when this was but remember when I had red hair?! That was fun!

I also had to say goodbye to my very good friend Brendon he left on his mission. He is such an amazing guy I can't talk to much about him becuase I will start crying. I love and miss him so much!

**Nothing else really happened after that. I am still sick. All the time. Everyday. Thanksgiving was okay. Meagen and I spent it eating fajitas and drinking margaritas.. Christmas Eve was last night and I had so much fun with my family! I will post pictures soon!

So there was 2009.. the good the bad and the ugly. Lets see what Two thousand and ten brings to me. Hopefully a hot boy! hehe

Secret Shitting Santa

I have a Secret Santa.

Want to know what the presents are that my Secret Santa leaves me in my room atleast once a day?

a big pile of Tonka POO!

I don't know why but this dog has pooped in my room atleast 4 times in the past week. And the little sneak always does it right when I leave me room. Last night I went to make a bagel. It took me all of about 3 minutes. By the time I left my room and came back in My secret shitting santa came to deliver his nightly presents. Are you freaking kidding me?

I guess he is trying to represent a very shitty christmas.

Even though he is my little shitting secet santa I still love this little guy

Answers part 2

First of all I want to thank my sister/roomate/best friend Meagen for giving my blog a makeover. I loved my old header courtesy of my good friend Niesha but it was time for a change. So thank you Meg.


I have had some more questions for readers that they would like me to answer. Two people asked me the same question so here it goes:


Mikela asked me: " What would you say has been the best moment in your life?"

My Answer: I don't really have an exact moment, I don't have a really good WOW story that just comes to mind that without a doubt would be the best moment in my life. I would have to say that I have a time in my life where I was happy, healthy and loved life. It was my 9th grade year of school. I was so happy. I had the best friends I was doing what I loved which was dancing 6 days a week 6 hours a day I loved it. I was a shitty student becuase I just didn't care. Which is something that I regret I wish so badly that I would have just tried harder... I had no reason to not try. Half of my grade was just showing up to class and I hardly ever did that. It was more important to me to flirt with all the boys then to do homework. But besides that I loved dancing. I would give anything to be able to dance again. I really did have the best friends ever. We were so close and we had so much fun. I was healthy the only thing I ever got was a cold nothing was ever wrong me with me. At that point in my life I was so happy and nothing could get me down. I never wanted that year to end. This was before I knew that one you grow up people change, people drift apart, go seperate ways, and I never thought that my life would have ended up the way it has. It was all downhill after that.

Mikaela and my Aussie friend Lynn asked: " If I could go anywhere and do anything what would it be?"

My answer: Right now.. .if I could go anywhere it would be anywhere but here! Anywhere warm, with the sun on my skin, and a beach and ocean to be playing in. I hate winter, I hate the cold, I hate it all. But in life I dont know. When I was in school all that was important to me was dance. I thought that I would be dancing the rest of my life. Whether it were a dance teacher, a dance choreographer whatever it was I knew it would be involved with dance. When I got sick I really wanted to get into nursing becuase I knew that I could relate to the patients and what they were going threw, but at the same time going threw some of the things I have been threw I never wanted to be the person making the patient feel miserable by doing whatever it is that they need to do. ( im not really sure if that makes sence) but right now I have no idea what I would want to be doing in life. I wish I could go back to school but thats never goign to happen I have been working in hospitality for going on 6 years now and I am so damn sick of it so I know what I DONT want to be doing in life I just dont know what I would rather be doing .... but.... If I had my way...  I would go back into the 60's and just be a hippie. I would love to just have that relaxed personality that doesn't care about anything but making love and not war.

Thanks for playing along and asking me questions.. If anyone else would like to ask me any questions you would like to know about me feel free to leave me a comment!

Answers to your Questions

*I asked my readers ( The few that are left) to ask me any any questions that they would like me to answer honestly and here are my answers to your questions


My sister Meagen asked " If you could buy a puppy what kind would you buy and what would you name it?"

My Answer: I would buy a Beagle, and I would name him Fenway after Fenway Park.

I think these little guys are so cute, I deffinitly think someone should buy one for me =)

My friend Niesha asked me : " What kind of mascara do you use? You always have the prettyiest lashes!!!"

My Answer: Why thank you Niesha. I use Maybelline Turbo Boost Mascara. I use to get the waterproof kind but the only way to get it off was to rip out my eyelashes and well, I like my eyelashes so I just use the regular kind now. I suggest getting the curved brush with it. Curved brushes for mascara are so much better.

My friend Jessica from high school asked:  "What happened to your fiancé.. Weren't you engaged at one point? If so.. How did you handle your breakup?"

 My answer: Yes I was engaged about 3 years ago. The only thing I got out of that relationship is a lot of bitterness, and a lot of frequent flyer miles on my JetBlue Airline account. A week after we were engaged he was diagnosed with cancer. Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I am not going to say that it was all his fault or all my fault that things didn't work out becuase we both had our issues. I dropped everything the minute I found out he had cancer. I was on the red eye 8 hours later after I was told he had cancer. I left everything my job, my family, everything to be with him. It became extremely difficult for me to be away from my family and I became very home sick so I came home. Long distance relationships are extremely difficult even in the most perfect relationships. After he finished his treatments he moved back to Utah and was going to finish school out here. We grew farther and farther apart in just a matter of months. I had thought many times about ending it but the thought of knowing that it may be the wrong decision was worse then just putting up with his bull shit and dealing with it. I came home from work one day to find him with his bags packed and telling me that he never should have asked me to marry him, that he was done, and was moving home. ( I should mention now that this was 3 days before Christmas that the bastard did this to me.) It was one of the worst nights in my life. I laid on my dads lap and cried for just about 5 hours straight. After he moved home we tried to figure out if it was worth trying to work on things and stay together and just hold off on marriage or if there was nothing left to hang on to anymore. It got to the point that neither of us had any fight left in us and we knew that it just would never have worked out and that it just needed to end.  I always knew deep down that if it were ment to be things never should have been as hard as they were. Again, he was the one who ended it but not everything was his fault nor was it all my fault. The night I came home to that and he left was just awful.. It was one of those horrible nights that when you wake up you want so badly for it to all be a dream and then when you realize that its not you just get that knot in your stomach that makes you want to throw up. Each day after that it got easier and easier to get over. After everything we had been threw together and how in love I thought I was I thanked God every day and still do that we did not get married, and that I am no longer with him. It got easier to handle when I think about what a blessing it was that he decided to leave before we got married rather then after. I look at that as nothing more then a lesson learned. The things that I thought I wanted back then in a relationship and what I thought I wanted in a husband is NOTHING that I want now. I am a very big believer in that everything happends for a reason. I know that I was put in his life to help him threw his cancer. I had been threw everything he had been threw, doctors, hospitals, surgerys, being sick. And afterward when it all ended I realized that if someone can't see how much I helped them threw such a terrible point in their life, and was there for them no matter what and dropped everything in your life to be with them to help and take care of them he doesn't deserve me.  After he left and I was going threw the depression phase of the breakup, I recieved the best advice that I have ever recieved. It was from my doctor and he told me that  marriage is not about sex, and being with your best friend for the rest of your life, but its about compromise, but everyone should have 3 things in their life that they are not willing to give up or change for anyone. Whether that is religion belifes, family, whatever if that person truly cares about you that would never ask you to give those things up or change them. That was something that he did not understand. At the time I was still fairly active in the church, He was Catholic. I gave up a Temple Marriage to be with him and he thought that me asking him to give up drinking and doing drugs was just so un reasonable. ( I know... I know how to pick em huh?)  Even though it got easier and easier each day to get over it, it was not until I started seeing someone else that I became completely head over heels for that I finally began to feel happy again. Like I said I look at that as just a learning lesson and since the day I packed up the rest of his shit that I had and mailed it back to him I honestly have not even had him cross my mind. ( Until now..) Some days were easier then others to get over what had happened but I am so glad that it is over and done with and that I had the experience to learn what I do and dont want in a husband, a marriage, and a relationship. And I think its safe to say that the only boy a girl can trust his her dad. And my doctor. Hehe.

My mom asked me "What is your greatest accomplishment in life?"

My answer is.. I don't have one. I don't really feel like I have accomplished anything worth feeling proud about. I hope in some point in life I do but as of right now at the age of 22 years old. I don't. I have been at the same job since I was 16 years old and why? Not becuase I like it. I hate it. But becuase I don't like change. I could say graduating High School which sounds pathetic but I was a terrible student. I was more focused on dancing that I couldnt have cared less about my education. But from 10th grade threw the time I graduated I had school once a week. For an hour. My teacher would come to visit me at the hospital or home where ever I was.. he told me to bake him cookies and if they didn't kill him I passed the class. Seriously. If I didn't feel well I would cancle school for the week. So obviously... high school was not to difficult for me to finish. I think of myself to be a very strong person becuase of everythign I have been threw. I am 22 years old who has had 34 surgeries, over 120 IV's numerous hospital stays and the medical bills to prove it since I was 15 years old. I just found out that I have lesions on my brain and at anyday I could go back into renal failure becuase my insurance company wont approve the surgery I am so badly in need of. I have a disease that will never go away and that has pretty much taken over my life and I feel like I have handled everything I have been threw very well and that there isn't anything that I couldnt handle but I don't feel like there is anything that I have accomplished worth answering that question with. Ask me in another 10 years hopefully by then I will have a difference answer.

I would not have been able to handle any of that without my doctor Doctor Woodmansee. He is so amazing and has saved my life on numerous occasions. He is my hero and no matter what I am going threw I know that he will always be there fighting for me. And he even makes house calls to come see me. ... amazing..I know, right!? I love him!

* Thank you guys for the questions I had fun answering them. If anyone else has any questions that you would like me to answer ask away I'll answer any. Just leave me a comment with your qusetions!