I returned to a life that was not there when I left.

I just got back from visitng my sister brother in law and nephwe in California. I had a great time. I was so happy to see and spend time with them and live in their world for a few days. Help out with the baby ( Who but the way told me that I am his favorite aunt... he even picked out my flowers for my birthday while I was there.) It was a lot of fun to be there. . We visited the Jelly Belly Factory which was a blast... It was so cool to see how they are made and all sorts of stuff ... They had an awesome gift shop where I purchesed one to many bags of the Jelly flops. ( I have pictures but I'll have to add them later.) We went out to dinner, stayed home and watched movies together and had amazing meals and they were so kind to make vegetarian meals since they know that I don't eat meat. They showed great hospitality towards me and I felt right at home!

My favorite part of my trip was also the worst day of my life.

( And I am only sharing what is going on so I can tell you why my tattoo means so much to me now and more then I thought it would. . . I am not ready to talk about anything with anyone right now. You can leave comments I could use to blogging love but right now this is all im going to share until I have got a grip on my own emotions and am ready to share more for who ever may want to listen.)

I have known for a while that I have wanted to get a tattoo but I just could never figure out what I wanted. I always knew that I wanted to either get it on the inside of my wrist or the back of my neck. For a very long tiem I wanted to get the chinese symbole for either peace or courage..but I felt that those have become so popular they are no longer unique or anything,  I recently came across a picture of a tatoo that I found on someone elses blog and I really really liked it.

I decided that for my birthday I would get my self a tatoo... so we went in on a saturday the day I got into california and made an appointment for tuesday. I had given them the picture of what I wanted and said ok see you then.

The night before I got my tattoo my mom called to tell me that she and my dad are getting a divorce and she would be moving to California at the end of the week. I can't explain to you how it felt to have all those emotions come over you at once the feeling of just being numb and i felt like I could litteraly feel my heart hurting. Feelings of sadness and tears and wanting to throw up and another rush of anger emotions just so angry and pissed off. I don't know how to explain how heartbroken I am.

My sister was determined to not let that ruin my trip or my birthday. Even though all I wanted to was stay put in my little ball I was curled in and cry and cry Brady and Madi would not let this ruin my trip. They were so sweet to me they were amazing.

So the next day I went to get my tattoo Madi came with me and lets just say the tattoo artis and I didnt start out on good terms. When we walked in I told her I had an appointment made with her and she asked for the picture of what I wanted. I told her that we had emailed it to them when I came in and made the appoitment. Her response was " Do not tell me it was those god awful prissy stupid birds." ( I should probably tell you now that this lady was probably around 65 and a total jesus freak). After she said that I didn't see say anything back to her I was so pissed off and upset about everything any way I just blew it off and ignored it. So I told her what wrist I wanted it on and she asked me if I knew the person who I had gotten the idea from. I said no I do not know her. ( Let me say no that I did not copy the tatoo.. it inspired me for what I ended up getting but it was not a copy.) She then goes off on how I am sooo tacky for copying this person and how rude it is and that she didn't even want to be the artist becuase its just so tacky and the birds are just so ugly and small that there is no point of even getting them. She kept saying that She hates prissy girls like me that she has to waist her time on for some tiny little tattoo. After she got done ranting about all that bull shit I finally just said to her " Well then I guess its a good thing its not going on your body isn't it."

She said well can I please draw up something a little different and see how you like it. I said fine.

While she was drawning a friend of hers or another employee I don't know who it was came in and started talking to her and she tells her some story about how she is fighting with her best friend over money. When that girl left the artist looked at me and Madi and quoted something from the bible about money. She then started to tear up and said " I don't usually do this but I feel that I need to talk to someone. She goes on to tell us about how her and her husband have just recently divorced. She went into the details of it but I won't on here. She just started telling us how heartbroken she is and how hard its been on her and the reason they divoced was becuase of money issues and while she is telling madi and I this I lose it. I just started crying so hard... and she just stopped and looked at me and said " Dear, your crying.. why are you crying?" I had told her that I just found out the night before that my parents were divorcing and that my mom was moving away. We all just sat there for about 25 minutes... talknig took longer then the tattoo did. She finally finished her idea for the tattoo and I loved it.

The tattoo took about 5 minutes it went by really fast and afterwards she said " I don't know if this is appropriate or not or what god you beileve or don't believe in but I need to pray with you. She held our hands and prayed for me and my family. In her prayer she asked for comfort and guidence or us and to help understand and have time to grieve. She said that seeing us she could tell Madi had it more together then me she had her emotions together and she was a little bit stronger then me. She needed to stay strong for me becuase she could tell I am not handling this well. She just knew that I was ment to come to her so that she could talk to someone and that I could talk someone. Even if we are perfect strangers God knew that we needed eachother.

( I know its not the best picture and you can't really tell where it is on my arm but this is the only one I have so far)

She ended up drawing 5 peace doves. on the inside of my wrist on my right arm. I love it so much and it means so much to me. It shows each of the doves flying a different way and at what is going on in my life right now... 5 people in my family but now our family is seperating.

The tattoo means a lot to me and I am so glad that Madison was there to support me and let me hold her hand and let me cry for hours on her lap when I was told my parents are divorcing.. not just divorcing but that my mom left 2 days after I got home to move to California.

( Again that is all that I am sharing for now my feelings are still to new and raw that I need to deal wieh tthem first before I can share them with someone else but my sisters whom I love more then anything in this world.