omg

Ohhh..... myyyyyyyy.......GU.


When I was in the hospital for Renal Failure from not peeing for a week straight the urologist explained to me how there is a stint .. more like a pacemaker they can insert to help me go pee. This is how he explained it.


" Well its just like a little round battery that goes right underneath your thigh we place it in you threw surgery. But first we do a test one to make sure it works and you wear it on your hip for a week. How we know it works is if your foot moves."


Im not sure if it was the demerol that just gave me selective hearing or if it was because this was suppose to be a last resort thing so they didn't really go into detail.


Well they should have gone into detail. They should have told me that threw this "test" there would FOUR 9 inch needles sticking out of me not even an inch away from my spine. Or that during this "test" that I would have 4 huge holes in my back that has live wire comming out of them that I can not get wet... so no showers.


Or that they would be keeping me completely awake and alert so that when they turn the electricity up on the wires in my back I could tell them if I felt it or not. They offered the valium at the END of the procedure. Alotta good thats going to do me then. And because they didn't offer the valium until the end of it I was screaming and crying threw out the entire thing.


And one BIG thing they should have told me is that their procedure room in their office was already packed away for their move, so they would be doing this in the old physical therapy room. a HUGE EMPTY room surrounded by MIRRORS people walking in and out carpet is coming up off the floor.. wallpaper coming off the walls... yeah.. real sterile! Real comforting!


So, I'm wearing the little stent on my hip. My back itches from all the wires and tape and everything else on. I feel discusting because I can shower but I can't really shower like normally. I had all my hair chopped off last night so I wouldn't feel as gross. But good news!

I can pee!

So because this is working they now know what it is that is keeping my kidneys flushing properly and my bladder working. Nerve Damage. Nerve Damage from what you may ask? Oh the 5 laporoscopys and D and C's I have had in the past 3 years. So they are doing surgery on June 8th to place the little pacemaker in my permentley.

And it goes in my hip not underneath my thigh. Must have been the demerol.

Weekend spent with boxes

**Authors Note: In this post you will see a discusting could be used as black mail picture of me. I am not fat. I am not pregnant. This is what it looks like when your bladder and stomach is so full of liquid because you can't pee that it starts to grow... and gets distended... and makes you look like you are 5 months pregnant. One last thing. I'm not sure why my hand is placed where it is placed. I'm not talking about the one that the dog is on. Thanks bye.**

I helped Meagen move this weekend. A person with Fibromyalgia and rotten Kidneys should not be moving. I was not much help.

Old Place New Place

I helped pack but the actual MOVE part of the weekend... I spent babysitting the dog. Ha... And by babysitting I mean this...

I love her new place, and am so excited for her! She is getting a much better deal, its so pretty and she will be very happy there! Although, moving her from her old apartment to her new apartment really just put me in a bad mood. Well, who am I kidding. I am always in a bad mood so it put me in an even worse mood. It just got me thinking how badly I would love to move out. Not for the reasons every other person my age wants to move out. Oh wait. Every other person my age is married so .. not for the reasons ever 18 year old wants to move out... can't stand their parents, they have rules, they want to go out and party. Life at home is pretty good, I can pretty much do whatever I want, my rent is a 12 pack of coke each month so its not that its bad living at home I just really do not want to be one of those people who goes from living at home to getting married and moving out. I want to be able to experience life on my own. I don't think I could ever move in with people I don't know. To be honest I hate girls. Since 7th grade I have always only had like 2 or 3 friends that were girls the rest were guys. Girls just have drama and I hate drama. I just don't want to be around it.

But.. I am afraid I will never be able to move out. I pick and choose who gets paid each week because I never have enough to pay everyone that I owe including my car insurance, gas, phone bill, and enough left over to have a life with... like buying that cute shirt from Target that I know I could live without but I need to buy it anyway so that I can wear it once and then hang it up in my closet for 3 years. Ugh. Maybe I just need a change. Maybe I will paint and re do my bathroom. . . . wait. Thought about that Idea and that was a dumb idea. I don't want to do it but if anyone else would like to feel free. I will make you lemonade. But don't plan on getting paid ... like.. ever. =)

Do You Remember me?

Hello Readers bloggy friends and blog stalkers! How are you! I have not seen you in so long! I know I know.. Its my fault I have not kept in touch. Wait what? You don't remember me? Oh okay well let me remind you of who I am because things have changed:



I am the writter of this blog who has had a very life threating near death experience recently and has realized that if I had died I would have died this bitter, bitchy judgemental person who has a lot of anger and grudges. I would have nothing to show for me being here on this earth.. no one would even know I was ever here...the only thing I would have left behind is the smell of my perfume. Having been going threw this trial I have realized that I want to change my outlook on life and not be that bitchy mean angry person anymore. I want to do something good in my life and something that I feel like I have acomplished and done for the good. I am trying to be more happy, and not hold so much anger about things that are in the past that I can not change. I want to let go of things that I don't really dwell on but still think of un fair and wrong in so many ways. I am trying to show people the love that they have shown me in the past 3 months.

I have never felt more loved then I have since going threw all of this. So many people came to visit me at home and the hospital, they stopped what they were doing with their lives to come and sit with me while my mom had to go to work just so that I would not be alone in the hospital. Everytime they left they told me they loved me. Sent me and Brought me flowers,. teddy bears, coloring books, because they knew it would cheer me up and take my mind of off everything. Brought me big body pillows so that I would be more comfortable away from home. They prayed for me every day. My name put on the temple rolls, and my ward had fasted just for me. Every sunday my bishop asked the ward to pray for me. I have not been to church in the past 9 years and still they did that for me. It is amazing how cared for and loved I felt and I want to show that and do that for other people as they have done for me. I want to do something for the good and for other people... My sister Meagen and I are working on something but more will come later on that... Lets just say I have Yogos on the brain!...no I did not mean bogo.

Things in my life have changed some for the good some for the bad.. Something new I am an Aunt!! To the cutest little guy ever! Kelvin Kyler Love! Seriously. Cutest guy eVvVa!
I can no longer drink caffeine or carbonation. Bad for my not functioning kidneys. Who knew? Lately I like Cheetos. I don't know why I have always hated the things. My birthday is coming up.. Its on the 26th. I'm turning 22. What am I doing for it? Oh I am going to go and have a stint placed around my kidney so that they will work and I can go pee. Being able to go pee would be the BEST birthday present eVvVa! My insurance is refusing to pay my 13 thousand dollar hospital stay bill when I was in for 7 days for Renal Failure.... They say its pre exsisting. Thats funny.. I don't remember being in renal failure before. Hm. Weird. Im pretty sure my kidneys have never failed before. Maybe I'm wrong. Ya never know.

STUPID!

Anyway, its good to see you readers. I will keep in touch more. I will be having surgery soon again so I will be down hopefully not for long after this one. I promise to be a better bloger and person. By the way.. Does anyone even read this anymore? Probably not. Whatever..