Dear Santa,
I know I haven't been the greatest girl this year but if it's not to much trouble I would like to be placed on the "nice list". I have added a my Christmas wishlist in case you change your mind and decide to break into my house like the others and leave me gifts under our house plant. ( in case you get confused since we dont have a tree you can just pick any plant I'm not picky)
~ my court fines paid in full ( please include a reciept for my records Santa)
~someone to do my 14 days of work diversion. I dont think the deputies would mind I'm not that much help chopping up trees anyway. I'm not a trained lumberjack for hells sake.
~ a new laptop ... Mine has cancer or something and is no longer alive and kicking. It's more like dead and being used as a coaster.
~ all of meagens movies back that she has sold. I would ask for mine but hers were better and I just steal them. ( you cAn put me on the naughty list next year.)
~ a new doctor who has not forgotten about their oath he took. And for some certaint doctors to get a swift kick in the ass.
~ a great job for meAgen
~ free time for Madi
~ To have the ability to bark removed from tonka and marley
~ A life supply of sprite, cafe rio, and beef roman noodles.
~ A one way ticket to anywhere thAt is warm has a beach and alcohol and so far away that no one knows where I am.... And never to return again.
Merry ( Insert f word here ) Christmas.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Dear fellow utahns,
Please be more considerate and stop throwing shit outside your car windows while traveling.
Today I did my first day of the work diversion program and let me tell you not only am I basically paralized from hurting so badly after picking up trash for 8 hours straight but I also realized how discusting and rude people are. You would not believe the crap I picked up from I-15 today. I'm talking tupperware storage bins, knifes, phones, kids shitty diapers, take out boxes still filled with food, bags of vomit and that's just the beginning i can't even get into everything else. Now you can say I should t complain because I broke the law you do the crime you do the time blah blah blah that's not whY I'm complaining about but I just realized that people are so rude and inconsiterate to not only destroy and make your state and the earth ugly and discusting but just remember when you are about to throw your perfectly good shoes or blankets and pillows and gloves out your window why don't you stop and think about putting those somewhere else maybe to someone in need of those items instead of just on the side of the rode for someone to eventuLly clean up and just throw away. Never again inmmy life will I litter not even a gum wrApper and if I find out any of you have I will literally physically kick your ass! Okay:) great thanks I'm glad we have an understanding! Also again I'm not complaining because I have to do this but just let me point out that if you think that honking and screaming out your window when you see people in orange vests labeled Utah county Sheriff inmate work crew is funny it's not and to ne honest it makes you look more like an ass then any of us so just don't bother. ThAnks for letting me get this out there.
Happy holidays!
- Trash girl.
One day down and 14 to go.
Ps I wish I was allowed to bring my camera so I could take pictures of all this stuff I found today we probably collected over 45 HUGE bags of trash today if not more.
Please be more considerate and stop throwing shit outside your car windows while traveling.
Today I did my first day of the work diversion program and let me tell you not only am I basically paralized from hurting so badly after picking up trash for 8 hours straight but I also realized how discusting and rude people are. You would not believe the crap I picked up from I-15 today. I'm talking tupperware storage bins, knifes, phones, kids shitty diapers, take out boxes still filled with food, bags of vomit and that's just the beginning i can't even get into everything else. Now you can say I should t complain because I broke the law you do the crime you do the time blah blah blah that's not whY I'm complaining about but I just realized that people are so rude and inconsiterate to not only destroy and make your state and the earth ugly and discusting but just remember when you are about to throw your perfectly good shoes or blankets and pillows and gloves out your window why don't you stop and think about putting those somewhere else maybe to someone in need of those items instead of just on the side of the rode for someone to eventuLly clean up and just throw away. Never again inmmy life will I litter not even a gum wrApper and if I find out any of you have I will literally physically kick your ass! Okay:) great thanks I'm glad we have an understanding! Also again I'm not complaining because I have to do this but just let me point out that if you think that honking and screaming out your window when you see people in orange vests labeled Utah county Sheriff inmate work crew is funny it's not and to ne honest it makes you look more like an ass then any of us so just don't bother. ThAnks for letting me get this out there.
Happy holidays!
- Trash girl.
One day down and 14 to go.
Ps I wish I was allowed to bring my camera so I could take pictures of all this stuff I found today we probably collected over 45 HUGE bags of trash today if not more.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Apparently I have readers
I was thinking about deleting my blog for a few reasons, 1: becuase my laptop is broken and no longer works so its kind of hard to blog when you have nothing to use. 2: Because I didnt think I still had readers besides My mom and Meagen and frankly they can listen to me bitch ( Which is basically all I do on my blog) everyday. 3: Because I just have nothing positive in my life and well I dont want to blog about what is going on in my life because its all just shit.
But this last week I did have the first good thing that has happened to me in like a year. Ill give you hints.
But this last week I did have the first good thing that has happened to me in like a year. Ill give you hints.
NO MORE of the BIG BLUE SHOWER CONDOM
NO MORE saline flushes everyday ( Ok not like I really did it every day but if IV therapy asks I totally did)
And NO MORE wearing mesh sleeves over it
NO MORE PICC LINE!!!
Thats right! I got my picc line removed! Finally after having it it for over a year and a half I finally decided I was DONE with it and I got it pulled out! I can wear short sleeves outside the house again! Im so excited its out!! I kind of had the feeling my doctor wanted me to leave it in but I am not really liking him lately so I thought it threw and decided that idea sucked and I said TAKE IT OUT!!!! So he did!! It feels sooooo weird! I have a little hole in my arm Im sure that mark will be there for ever and my skin is really dry and red becuase of being wrapped up like that for so long to have air on it and get it wet feels really strange! But I am very glad its out and Im done with it. Goal is to NEVER have that again! WHAOOOOO.
For those of you who know about my legal problems I am going threw I will give you an update on my sentencing. ( I know some people might think that it is weird and a litttle.....weird to let this information out to the whole world but I am pretty sure the readers I have left already know what happened and what has been going on so whatever I just dont care anymore) Sentencing was about 2 weeks ago. It was by far the worst hearing I had been to. Very scary and very emotional. When I took the stand I had the oppurtunity to say to the judge my side and whatever else I wanted to say and then the prosacuter stood up and said if they had the option they would have just dismissed my case. Which was nice to hear but also frustrating because having heard that but knowing I still had to go threw this was just irritating. Anyway I was sentenced to 18 months court probation which is so amazing all that means is I have to let the court know if I move they always have to be able to find me at my current address. So no probation officer anything like that! So thats awesome. Also I have to pay a fine of about $1500 dollars which I have until July to pay off. And also I got sentenced to 15 days of the work diversion program. Which is basically just community service and this is the part I am dreading the most. Its all very hard manual labor and due to my health I just dont know how well I am going to be able to do it and they are very strict on their rules and no working hard enough and I have to pay 25 dollars a month to be in the program its just very stressfull and if I disobey any of their rules or basically do anything to piss them off I just go to jail. If I dont do any of those by the time I was given to finish everything I will serve a one year prison sentence. But dont worry I dont plan on not doing any of those. This whole situation has been so stressfull and it is just a huge blow to your self essteem and self respect and its just very hard. I am not trying to blame anyone else for my actions I am 100 percent responsible for what I did its just hard to think of everything that has happened and has effected my life negativly since being arrested. All becuase I had a slight mental breakdown. Oh yeah I am also required to keep going to therapy which I have been in for about 3 months now. On some levels it is helping I am learing to deal with my stress better and my current situation with my family and learning better coping mechanisms so ya know hopefully I wont do anything else stupid next time I have a breakdown. Which I am pretty much just planning on and have accepted the fact that it will probably happen again but I will handle my crisis mode better then I did 8 months ago.
I am still struggling every single day due to my health. Dealing with insomnia, horrible pain from the fibromyalgia that I have not had to deal with this badly for years, fighting doctors, no health insurance, and just having my life temporarily haulted due to it all. It is so frustrating I would give anything just to be able to have it at a level that I could go back to work and get some what of a life back and support myself and put this whole thing behind me but unfortuntly I just dont see a light at the end of this tunnel and that is the hardest part. Its terrible and I am quickly getting worse and worse and I just dont know where to go from here, this cant be the rest of my life. It just cant. I cant handle it. UGH
My dad Meagen and I are not doing any Christmas this year we dont even have a christmas tree up or anything. This Holiday season has been extremely difficult and emotionally draining so far but its just something we are going to have to get use to and learn that this is how it will be from now on and theres nothing we can do about it. Not being together as a family this time of year is extremely difficult and sometime just sickning but it is what it is I guess. I hope everyone does have a great Christmas. Spend it with your family and friends and cherish it becuase you never know when things may change. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and cared for me the past 8 months or so I know I dont show it or say it enough but I am very greatfull and appreciate it all so thank you.
Anyway thats an update and thats all I got for now. Like I said I apparently still have some readers so I will try and do better at blogging but I will warn you now it will probably not be anything exciting funny or positive so if you want to stop reading I understand and dont blame you.
Peace!
For those of you who know about my legal problems I am going threw I will give you an update on my sentencing. ( I know some people might think that it is weird and a litttle.....weird to let this information out to the whole world but I am pretty sure the readers I have left already know what happened and what has been going on so whatever I just dont care anymore) Sentencing was about 2 weeks ago. It was by far the worst hearing I had been to. Very scary and very emotional. When I took the stand I had the oppurtunity to say to the judge my side and whatever else I wanted to say and then the prosacuter stood up and said if they had the option they would have just dismissed my case. Which was nice to hear but also frustrating because having heard that but knowing I still had to go threw this was just irritating. Anyway I was sentenced to 18 months court probation which is so amazing all that means is I have to let the court know if I move they always have to be able to find me at my current address. So no probation officer anything like that! So thats awesome. Also I have to pay a fine of about $1500 dollars which I have until July to pay off. And also I got sentenced to 15 days of the work diversion program. Which is basically just community service and this is the part I am dreading the most. Its all very hard manual labor and due to my health I just dont know how well I am going to be able to do it and they are very strict on their rules and no working hard enough and I have to pay 25 dollars a month to be in the program its just very stressfull and if I disobey any of their rules or basically do anything to piss them off I just go to jail. If I dont do any of those by the time I was given to finish everything I will serve a one year prison sentence. But dont worry I dont plan on not doing any of those. This whole situation has been so stressfull and it is just a huge blow to your self essteem and self respect and its just very hard. I am not trying to blame anyone else for my actions I am 100 percent responsible for what I did its just hard to think of everything that has happened and has effected my life negativly since being arrested. All becuase I had a slight mental breakdown. Oh yeah I am also required to keep going to therapy which I have been in for about 3 months now. On some levels it is helping I am learing to deal with my stress better and my current situation with my family and learning better coping mechanisms so ya know hopefully I wont do anything else stupid next time I have a breakdown. Which I am pretty much just planning on and have accepted the fact that it will probably happen again but I will handle my crisis mode better then I did 8 months ago.
I am still struggling every single day due to my health. Dealing with insomnia, horrible pain from the fibromyalgia that I have not had to deal with this badly for years, fighting doctors, no health insurance, and just having my life temporarily haulted due to it all. It is so frustrating I would give anything just to be able to have it at a level that I could go back to work and get some what of a life back and support myself and put this whole thing behind me but unfortuntly I just dont see a light at the end of this tunnel and that is the hardest part. Its terrible and I am quickly getting worse and worse and I just dont know where to go from here, this cant be the rest of my life. It just cant. I cant handle it. UGH
My dad Meagen and I are not doing any Christmas this year we dont even have a christmas tree up or anything. This Holiday season has been extremely difficult and emotionally draining so far but its just something we are going to have to get use to and learn that this is how it will be from now on and theres nothing we can do about it. Not being together as a family this time of year is extremely difficult and sometime just sickning but it is what it is I guess. I hope everyone does have a great Christmas. Spend it with your family and friends and cherish it becuase you never know when things may change. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and cared for me the past 8 months or so I know I dont show it or say it enough but I am very greatfull and appreciate it all so thank you.
Anyway thats an update and thats all I got for now. Like I said I apparently still have some readers so I will try and do better at blogging but I will warn you now it will probably not be anything exciting funny or positive so if you want to stop reading I understand and dont blame you.
Peace!
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