um..yes your honor.....

I have a few questions

I do swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth but if you dont mind i would like to ask some questions:

Your honor if I could just take a teensey bit of your time to help me get my questions answered that would be fabooo!!!!

First of all

Are you sending me to prison?

I understand there is a difference between jail and prison. 

Which Prison will I be going to and where is it located?

Will I need my swim suit?

Or will I need some winter gloves with the fingers cut out so I can use my hands better...

(not for shanking I promise!)

Speaking of shanking...will I really need one? .. A Shank?.. If yes, is there a youtube video available to self teach me how to make one. . Maybe I should stop by barnes and noble and catch up on my shank making skills.

There is a few things I would like to bring with me should you decide your punishment for me be prison..

My pink pig. Its always with me when Im sick,  which I am. Will my doctor be able to come and visit me or will I be seeing a prison doc? 

And your jail hospital... do they have supplies to clean my picc line? I can do it myself, you just supply the supplies! 

I have been thinking about how to make my time go by faster and put it to good use while I am doing time in prisneyland.

Just a few ideas: How would you feel about BEDAZZLED hand cuffs? You know, make them sparkle!! 

no..? 

Okay


I could also Bedazzle the jumpsuits.. Have the words " NAUGHTY" on the butt of the jumpsuits eh eh?

How about classes for kniffty knitters? We will need to talk about getting plastic hooks for it. We'll talk budget and ideas more after you deliver the news of the whether I'm in or out.

Entertainment:  Will I have access to my weekly show? Greys Anatomy, The Big Bang Thoery, Weeds, Americas Next Top Model... ya know...my shows. Is there TIVO? A sign up sheet to reserve a spot?


Is there Red Box? I like romantic comedies where the leading ladies fall down alot.


Is there some kind of good prisoner bucks program? Similar to penny for a page reading program?


Is prison a BYOPP (bring your own personal products) or will prison provide them for me? For example  : Shampoo and conditioner I will be needing Herbal Essence color me happy shampoo AND conditioner.. Prison is no excuse for split ends!
Dove Soap
Johnsons baby lotion
 Collegen building mascara ( Not waterproof!)
And don't forget my loofa!
Pink nailpolish
If prison is not providing these things is there a prison gift shop that I can use my prison pennies to purchase them at?
It is very important that I have an extra orange jumpsuit to lay out as my kidnapper clothes.
Will the Twilight Series be available in the prison library or do I need to ask Brooks to pre order them on amazon?
Will my cell have extra outlets provided for my bath and body works Wallflower? Coconut Lime Verbena.
I will be needing some tape to hang up pictures of myself when I was healthy and happy.. that is my treatment plan after all! Maybe you could talk to the prison doc about giving out that treatment plan to other inmates.
Is there anyway I can get the name of my celly (Im fluent with the prison lingo) so that I can look her up on myspace or facebook to get to know her. Poke her on facebook ( no shankey!)
What kind of computers are available in the big house? And please don't say a white one.
Im putting together a prison playlist on my ipod here is what I have so far:
Jail House Rock - The King!
Rehab - Amy Whinehouse
Folsom Prison Blues-Johnny Cash
I'm a Slave for youuuuuuu- Britney Spears because every playlist needs a little britney!
Do you have anymore suggestions?


Just so you know the tattoo on my wrist has nothing to do with escaping jail. I know I seem like a criminal mastermind and I can pull a lil Michael Scofield but really.. not so much.


I have many friends all over the world will Skype be available?
For my welcome to prison meal this is what I would like:


 1 chicken soft taco from dell taco
1 large coke from mcdonalds
1 bag of salt and vinegar chips
I packet of fruit gushers
3 totinos pizza rolls
and a small side of ranch dressing.
 1 prison popsicle. 


Halloween is right around the corner what costumes will be made available to me? Also, will the prison gift shop have candy available for prison trick or treating?


When I check out of prison will I be assigned a parol officer? If so do I need to get him a Christmas present? Whats his or her shirt size? Do they enjoy bedazzled things? Hopefully they have a facebook or myspace as well.

Now, toilet wine. How does THAT work?

..oh one more thing.. can I reserve a top bunk? If I reserve before I check in it should be guaranteed. Just sayin'...  


Thank you for your time-
 the possible new fish


Hugs and kisses!!