Evaluation Situation

So I had my evaluation with my Fibro clinic doctor. I had full body X rays, a neurological exam, I am going to be having blood work done on monday but I thought I would do an update on what I found out from the evaluation. And what I found out..... was a lot of reasons why I hurt like hell! As we all know Fibro is an invisable illness. It does not show up on X rays, blood work, MRI's anything. Which makes it very hard for people including doctors to believe that it is real. Well, again I say... its freaking real. However, I now have some VISIBAL issues. The doctor said that I have some obvious neurological issues going on but it could be caused by medication that I am taking. One of the goals we are working toward with this program is getting me off of as much medication as possible. So we won't know more about the neurological stuff until later. Also about a year ago I had a CT scan while I was in the ER and they found a cyst on my brain. We were told at that time that its nothing to worry about but my doctor wants to take a look at it and see if it actually may be something that we need to worry about. We are doing a lot of oxygen therapy becuase my oxygen levels are severely low which apparently is common in fibromyalgia patients.

So I did say that I wanted to write and update while going threw this program so I am gonna post the pictures of the X rays that they took and explain the visibal problems that I found out I have.

( I know it totally looks like those are my boobs and they very well might be.. he said it was just the shields they put on on my chest.... to me it still looks like nips. And if it is well .. whatever )

Okay so in this X ray as you can see where the red lines are the bottom of my spine is curving. So thats not good but explains why my lower back hurts all the time.

In this X ray you can see where the vertibrays are fusing together. The circles show how much space should be between each one and as you ans see the space around the bottom circle is much smaller then the top circle. So thats not good either.

This x ray on the top is not mine. The x ray on the bottom ( the one with the red marks on it) is mine and its obviously of my neck. The one on the top is an x ray of what a healthy neck should look like. It should have a curve in it like that one shows. My x ray obviously shows that there is no curve whatsoever. Which is really not good. Your neck supports your head which weighs about the same as a bowling ball. When you have no curve in your neck like mine your muscles are forced to support your head which causes a lot of pain becuase its a lot of strain on those muscles. It also can cause the ligaments to tear and scar tissue to form which an also cause pain. And thats what has happened with my neck. So none of that is good. But again... also explains a lot about all of my horrible neck pain.

Things are really hard. It has only been a week and this is so hard on my body physically and mentally. Suprisingly the diet has actually been pretty easy. I have not had any really super bad ( I mean.. don't get me wrong I would give anything to drink a fraeking coke right now) but it really hasnt been bad and honestly I can already feel the difference its making eating better and drinking water. There is litteraly only about 7 things I can eat. Lettuce, any kind of meat I want ( but I only eat chicken), grapes, apples, and cucumbers. ( I know your so jealous of my foods ) I will be on this diet for 3 weeks while I am taking all the medicine that is suppose to help repair my intestinal track. And then after the 3 weeks I can add a little to the diet like rice and certain beans and then I will start the medication that will help detox my liver. I know I said the diet has been suprisingly easy but its more of my routine that is really hard. I am use to waking up opening a coke or sprite taking my pills and then around 1 or 2 in the afternoon eat something and then I am usually done eating for the day. I will sometimes snack on stuff or eat something before I go to bed but I am really not use to eating 3 meals a day plus snacks and having to drink a certain amount of water. Its like my entire routine and everything is just being turned upside down and its really hard to adjust.

So after the evaluation the doctor has said patients usually work with him for about 3 months but he said I should plan on working with him for about 6. Right now I am going in 3 times a week and its really rough. I know all of this is what I need. I know it is I have no doubt about it. I have faith in the doctors and this program and I know that it will only do good and help me get my body and entire life healthier. I mean the way I was going I truly believe I would not make it long in life. I really dont. But Im not gonna lie.. right now the faith I have in all of this does not make it easier. Like I said I have only been doing this a week and I feel like everyday I wake up hurting and feeling even worse then I did the day before. I know things are going to get worse before they get better but I am just really having a hard time. The support from my family and my close friends are amazing. They are all so supportive and knowing they are proud of me and happy that I am getting the help I need makes me feel really good. My mom and Joe are amazing helping me keep track of all my medicine making sure I have everything I need. No matter what time it is they are always there ready to get me an ice pack or heating pad. They are also doing the diet with me ( Not as hard core as I am.. I mean they are have a selection of about 10 things to eat compared to my 7 hahah ) They go to appointments with me and there to give me a hug when I start crying because I am in so much pain the doctor is putting on my body. Everyone who cares about me is there to help and give love and support and I appreciate it so much. They are there to remind me that things will get easier and this is for the best. It will be worth it in the end. 

On days like this I just have to keep telling myself that.... It will be worth it in the end. I am hungry and in a lot of pain I am tired from never being able to sleep I am frustrated that I got sick in the first place I am just frustrated. But I am leaning on the support of my family. My mom, dad, Meagen, Madi, Joe, Sam, Rachelle, and of course my love chug dog Fenway. They love me and I love them and I have to remember that they want me around as long as possible and I need to do this to be there for them as much as they are there for me right now. I'll keep everyone updated in a few days. =) Thanks for reading! And for everyone who is reading this and also is a Fibro Fighter.. Keep fighting.  There is HOPE. And when I am finished with all of this I will be proof of that!

( Also, fibro friends, blog stalkers, family, whoever you may be if you want updates on me and also my friend Rachelle who is also going threw a very hard time right now you should check out our Facebook page misses and Ms. Diagnosed )

A Change Is Gonna Come

I know I havent posted anything in like ... forever but I am about to make a big change in my life and I thought now would be a good time to start blogging again. Im sure I don't have any readers anymore so even if this is just used as an outlet or journal thats okay too. But hopefully maybe I will gain some more readers and mabe offer some hope to others out there that might be in the same situation I am in.

Most of you know that for the last 11 years I have been suffering with the miserable disease Fibromyalgia. Since being diagnosed I have been having a really hard time with a lot of things. Dealing with having to give up the things I love like daning becuase my body just cant do it anymore. Losing friends becuase they were sick of me never being able to go out with them becuase I didn't feel well. Dealing with the doctors and other people who don't believe that fibromyalgia is real. ( Let me tell you... it IS real. The pain and everything else IS REAL.) Trying to find which medications work and which ones don't. Dealing with the stress and anxiety of not knowing what I am going to feel like when I wake up. Its been a really hard time.

Even though the last 11 years have been a hard time this past year has been the worst of them. The fibro is taking over my life. Its no longer something I live with its something that is stopping me from living at all. Its gotten to the point that I have given up fighting it and I have just let it take over. I have just dug a dark hole of depression that no matter what is going on I can't get out of it. I no longer have good days. Every day is a bad day. Its not longer just a physical sickness its become mentally sick as well. My body has turned on me and its attacking itself and I don't have the energy to fight it anymore. The only thing I do is take the medication given to me each day and live like a physically hurt zombie. I am just walking threw life I am not living it. Someone recently said to me that all the damage I have done to my liver and body with all the medication I take and have been taking for 11 years now I probably won't make it to the age of 30. I am 25 yeas old now. It stung and it hurt but what was even more frightening to me was the fact that I thought to myself " ya know, I don't care. I'm not suicidal but if something were to happen to me and I were to die I wouldnt be mad about it. Knowing that I could get out of the pain I live with then so be it."  The more I thought about it the more I was okay with it. This past year I have taken more medication then I have sine I got sick. I have let myself go becuase I know that nothing I do is ever going to make me feel healthy again, nothing I do is going to get rid of the pain, and nothing I do is ever going to change what I have to do each day just to survive.

I just got back to California after spending the last 3 months in Utah. Two days after I got home I went into a massive flare. Never had I felt more pain from fibromyalgia then I did when I woke up that morning at 4am. I had to call my mom to come and help me walk to the bathroom I couldnt even do that on my own. The pain and depression just got worse each day. I was having major panic attacks and I was lashing out on my mom who was only trying to help me. I was screaming I was shaking I was feeling so much pain and so much depression that I didn't know what to do anymore. As soon as I was able to clear my head a little and gain some control over my emotions I realized that I need help. I need help or I really might not make it to 30. My way of just letting fibro control my life and the way I handle it just with medication that sometimes isn't enough is not working anymore. I can't do it on my own anymore I really need help. I need a new way of dealing with and treating the fibro. And hopefully in time I will also be able to get a handle on the depression and anxiety and maybe I can get a little bit of my old self back.

So, a change is gonna come. My mom came across a fibromyalgia clinic right here in Roseville that has a 3 month treatment program specifically for fibromyalgia. It was kind of ment to be actually my moms phone randomly turned off and when she turned it back on it went automaticaly to her junk mail in her e-mail. She saw this email that said " fibromyalgia doctors near you" She opened it up and took a look and decided to call this office. She spoke with the receptionist who was also a fibro patient at the clinic and said that usually it is a 2 to 3 week waiting period but someone had just called and cancelled their appointment for the next morning right before my mom called. She said that even though I was in a huge flare and in a lot of pain I needed to come in so the doctor could see me at my worst. We went in the next day and had a consultation with one of the doctors who are apart of this program and he knew immediatly that I needed help. He said that he could tell just by looking at me that I was in pain and that I have obvious nurological things going on by the way my eye lids flutter when I close my eyes. He took my pulse and said that my heart was just racing which is something that happends when your body is in pain. I was shaking and crying and just so emotional. He explained what the treatment program entails and I had some concerns but after expressing those concerns he talked threw everything with me and I knew I was ready to make a change.

Like I said its a 3 month program and it has 3 doctors that are apart of the treatment. There is a neurologist, an MD, and a chiropractor. They make changes to your diet which I know is going to be hard for me but it will be worth it. They do all kinds of blood work to look for auto immune diseases and other things that may not be related to fibro and they can do what needs to be done to take care of those other issues to improve your health. They do full body X rays to make sure everything is the way it should be. With my familys medical history there is a lot of genetic stuff that I could very possibly be on my way to getting or already have it. They do oxygen therapy, chiropratic therapy, detoxing of the liver and intestinal track to get rid of all the toxins my body has from all the medication I have been taking for years. I will go 3 times a week for 3 months and hopefully by the end of 3 months I will hopefully be off of a lot of the medication, I will have learned how to manage my pain and diet, and be able to learn to live with fibro a healthy and safe way.

I go in on Monday morning to get the blood tests and x rays and exams done and then go from there. I know its going to be extremely hard but I know it needs to be done. Like I said I need help and I need a change. My family is very supportive and they all said that they are glad I finally realise that I need some help and they are proud of me. That means a lot to me and knowing I have their support makes me want to do this not just for me but for them as well. I know I have put them threw hell when I take everything out on them even though they have done nothing wrong and don't deserve it. I am really looking forward to starting this and ready to start feeling better and living as healthy as I can. Im ready to accept the help and accept the change that is about to come to my life. I wanted to start blogging again becuase I know I have a lot of fibro friends that hopefully read my blog and I can give them hope and let them know that they are not alone. A change is gonna come and I am ready for it!

Anyone who is interested in hearing more about the program can go to this link HERE and watch the video.